MoneyBART, the 3rd episode of The Simpsons season 22, begins with what is probably the best (and darkest) opening ‘couch sequence’ in the show’s history.  For the remainder of the show, we explore what happens when Lisa takes over as coach of Bart’s little league team.  Our old friend Professor Frink sums it up best: “Using Sabermetrics, even an 8-year-old girl can run a ballclub with the sagacity of a Stengel and the single-mindedness of a Steinbrenner.”

This is by far the best Simpson’s episode in many years.  I don’t know whether it’s because of the fertile subject matter or if they just got some new writers this year, but I’d urge you to check it out.  Admittedly, Homer’s vodka and mayonnaise cocktail hit a little close to home for me, but that bit of discomfort was quickly eased by a seamless torrent of baseball and pop-culture references, including a nod to the patron saint of this very site, Oscar Gamble.

For those who aren’t actively TiVo-ing new Simpson’s episodes, you can catch the whole thing on Hulu.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/184048/the-simpsons-moneybart?c=Comedy/Sitcoms

Presumably done with CGI, it will be interesting to see whether Avatar has advanced special effects tech sufficiently to reconcile Beane’s relentless mocking of Prince Fielder to reality.

Or to justify selecting Nick Swisher over Cole Hamels (and on the same basis rejecting Zack Greinke and Scott Kazmir as draft candidates).

Or to retrofit a statistical algorithm that led to the selection of Barry Zito in 2000, Mark Mulder in 1998, and Tim Hudson in 1997 (the year BEFORE Beane took over as GM).

Perhaps the movie will consist largely of juxtaposed scenes of Scott Hatteberg alternately accumulating walks, and living like a regular Joe on his comparatively modest salary.

Of course, that’s easy for Jordan to say, since by his seventh season in Chicago he had won a championship, and had a team with the potential to repeat around him (and repeat they did, several times, as we all know). By James’ seventh season in Cleveland, instead of Scottie Pippen in his prime he got a decrepit Shaq certain to decline further, and despite James’ efforts to recruit top free agents to join him in Cleveland, he had little hope of enjoying a championship-caliber team around him in the foreseeable future.

Barkley adds “But I don’t think in the history of sports you can find a two-time defending MVP leaving to go play with other people.”

Um, Charles, let’s discuss the concept of sample size. You’re looking for Two-time defending MVPs, by implication, in the free agent era, who win the second MVP in the last year of their contract, and who are on teams ill-equipped to compete for a championship. The point is trivially true but lacks any real meaning.

Jordan and Barkley sound like crotchety old farts. The article I read didn’t say whether they followed their comments by shaking their fists in the air and yelling for James and Wade to get off their lawn, but I can only assume…

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/07/16/crime.taylor.lkl/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn

Well, I guess everyone can go home now.  This case is closed.

The two names that seem to come up most often are Corey Hart (who only wears his sunglasses at day games, despite persistent rumors to the contrary) and Prince Fielder (who appears to be making a real effort to outweigh as well as outhit his father… oops, check that, he’s already done both).  The numbers:

Hart (age 28), RF, 2-time AS - 82G/342PA, 22HR, 66 RBI, 290/351/577–928 (147 OPS+).  To put that in perspective, his career rate stats are 276/329/485–815 (112 OPS+).  Either he’s breaking out and will continue to produce like this for the next several years in his prime - or he’s having his career year now, and it’s all downhill from here.

Fielder (age 26), 1B, 2-time AS - 90G/401PA, 20HR, 39RBI, 262/397/488–884 (139 OPS+).  To put that in perspective, his career rate stats are 281/383/543–925 (140 OPS+).  The actual OPS is less, but the OPS+ is similar due to the overal increase in pitching effectiveness this season (which is why OPS+ is such a good metric, because it serves to put numbers in context for more effective comparisons).

Now, Fielder is 5′11″, 270 lbs.  His dad was 6′3″, 230 lbs (ironically my exact numbers as well as Jason Varitek’s, yet as my son pointed out to me when we were at a game recently, “Hmmm… except that he has 230 lbs of muscle and you just have flab”.  Yeah, thanks pal.  I hadn’t noticed.  I submit Cecil had more flab than Varitek as well… although sadly, likely still not as much as I do… but I digress.)  Prince is 270 lbs at age 26.  Do we really think that weight is going to go *down* as he ages?  Oh, and Prince wants his contract numbers (FA after 2011, IIRC) to *start* at Ryan Howard’s recently-signed, and universally-panned, contract numbers of 5 yrs / $125 million (second-highest AAV behind ARod, fwiw).

How much would it take to get Hart?  How much would you be willing to give up to get Hart?  How much would it take to get Fielder?  How much would you be willing to give up to get Fielder?

WWJD?  WWDD?  (What would Danny do?  Seriously, weigh in… you’re the Brewers expert:  What would *you* do, Danny?)  What would the rest of you do?

My wristband says WWPBD -as Papa Bear has long served as my moral and ethical compass, and my go-to guy when facing tough sports decisions (he’s a multi-faceted guru, as you all know).  As a gaze upon my WWPBD wristband, the answer comes to me:

First, put out the feelers on both.  If someone blows the Brewers away with an offer for Prince, take it.  If not, wait and deal him this offseason.  The Brewers would have to be idiots to give *that* guy a long-term, guaranteed contract.  He’s a tremendous talent - but he wouldn’t be the first guy to eat his way out of pro sports, nor the last.  If I’m the Brewers, shoot for the moon at the trade deadline.  If you miss, then take the best deal you can get next offseason and move on.

Second, move Corey Hart at this trade deadline.  He is having a terrific season and was a worthy All-Star, but I just don’t see this being a long-term trend.  I prefer to think his is not PED-assisted, but I submit he’s another Brady Anderson.  He wouldn’t be the first guy to have a career year at age 28, only to fall off the table subsequently - and he won’t be the last.  Get what you can for him *now*, while his trade value is at its peak.

Then use the what’s acquired in those trades to go into 2011 building around Gallardo and Braun.  That’s what I would do.  What say the rest of you?  (Btw, BA… could you set Je-sus up with a username and password, just in case he wants to chime in with what he’d do.  I’ll pounder that we hear from him before we hear from Neumann.)

The Warriors were last sold in 1995 for $119 million; the current price represents roughly 9.25% annual appreciation. Which handily beats the roughly 4.5% annual appreciation in the S&P 500 over the same period. Of course, that excludes dividends, which might add another 2% to the annual return on the S&P, and also excludes profits (or various forms of self-dealing to reduce profits) extracted from the Warriors, which I have no idea how to estimate.

I suppose there could be a third option: perhaps new owners could increase the value of the franchise by relocating it from Oakland to San Jose? Or at least San Francisco (though I’m not aware of a suitable arena there)? Wouldn’t an NBA team benefit from playing in closer proximity to the vastly greater wealth of Silicon Valley relative to the East Bay? Gonzo, am I way off base here?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/umpires-perfect-game-goes-completely-unnoticed,17664/

http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheat-sheet/item/jesse-jackson-lebron-no-runaway-slave/basketball/

Much analysis has been offered regarding Dan Gilbert’s post-Decision outburst, but leave it to Jesse to get to the heart of the matter:  “He sees Lebron as a runaway slave.”  Wow.

I don’t think I need to offer any more direct commentary, but I will offer this:  Jesse shouldn’t be wasting his time trying to assert that a guy who paid Lebron over $100 million in salary, and seemingly provided him every perk he asked for (well, except for other top talent to help win a title), views Lebron as a slave.  No, no… Jesse is needed elsewhere - in what is *clearly* a situation that begs for his intervention:  XM Radio, specifically XM 8, “80s on 8″.

I recently got a new company car, replete with a 90-day trial of XM Radio.  I quickly found “Hair Nation” (XM 41) and “Elvis Radio” (XM 18), among others - and I’m sure there’s more treasure to be mined.  (Btw, found “Hair Nation” as I scrolled through and came upon Spinal Tap’s “Big Bottoms”.  When was the last time you heard Spinal Tap on the radio?  I might consider paying for exhorbinant rate for this service… just for the possibility of again catching Spinal Tap on the radio.  But I digress.)  Anyhow, I also have XM 7 (”70s on 7″), and as noted, XM 8. 

On XM 8, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the vocal stylings of DJs, and former MTV VJs, Alan Hunter, Martha Quinn, Mark Goodman, and Nina Blackwood.  To my utter dismay, I’ve not heard a peep from the best MTV VJ of all-time… JJ Jackson.  Btw, spare me the Adam Curry and Downtown Julie Brown concerns.  Let’s keep it real here people, I’m talking about the five *originals*.  I’ve heard four on XM 8… but I haven’t heard the fifth… the one brother from the original group.  Coincidence?  I think not.

So I’m asking Jesse to give the Reverend Al Sharpton a call so that they can combine their endless talents to address a *true* crime against humanity… the clear conspiracy of XM Radio to deprive JJ Jackson of his proper place at the front of the line on XM 8.  I cannot be the only one disturbed by this.

I understand that Cleveland fans are disappointed, but why would James have any special obligation to toil in Cleveland when better opportunities for success -and a state without an income tax - beckon? Because he had the misfortune to be born in Akron? The Cavs had seven years to build a championship team around him and failed to do so, making Dan Gilbert’s bitterness especially hard to understand. And “guaranteeing” that the Cavs will win a title before the James - Wade - Bosh combo in Miami? I’ll take that action, Mr. Gilbert.

I am equally mystified by naysayers claiming that a payroll top-heavy with superstars will deny the Heat the bench quality to win a title. The Celtics should have put that thesis to rest, and with a much older trio of superstars. More to the point, the fact that there was no question regarding the financial terms of James’ contract - he would earn the maximum permitted under the CBA - highlights the key aspect of NBA economics. Namely, the max salary causes the very best players to be underpriced relative to their market values - the CBA essentially codifies a wealth transfer from superstars, who earn less than they would in a free market, to mid-level players, who earn far more than they would in a free market (there are so many examples of this it would be churlish to cite just one or two). The upshot of which is that it is preferable to have a top-heavy salary structure, since the underpriced superstars offer dramatically more value for the salary dollar than merely very good players, even if one consequence is filling out the roster with inexpensive journeymen.