Oscar Gamble Society

We just got back from a week in Fort Myers, with the in-laws.  The weather was good enough reason for the trip, but we also took the opportunity to visit the Red Sox spring training facilities in Fort Myers one day.  They weren’t playing a game, just going through a morning workout/practice - pretty cool though… I’d recommend the same to anyone for their favorite teams.  Pretty laid back, some familiar faces, a lot of unfamiliar faces (at this stage in the process).  Best of all for us though, we came out of that day with a story… goes something like this…

Like many women and young children, Lori and Cody have assigned “my favorite Red Sox player” status to Jason Varitek.  Lori was convinced she’d get his autograph, so like paparazzi on Britney Spears, she stalked him the whole time we were there - yelling to him through the fence to give her an autograph, or just look in her general direction. 

Conversely Cody (unlike nearly every other 10-yr-old there that day) wasn’t interested in running up and down the fences, going hoarse in a vain attempt to get a player to stop his workout to come sign his ball, shirt, hat, or related bauble.  When we first got there, we sat in the “stands” (a few rows of aluminum seats) and watched the goings-on.  He knows most of the regular players by number, so he’d ask about the ones that weren’t familiar to him.  I’m not sure why, but I too great joy in specifically telling him about #29… a new pitcher for the Sox this year… some guy named John Smoltz.  I explained to Cody how privileged we were to see such a great player in a Sox uniform - indeed, I was certain he’d be in the Hall of Fame before Cody was in college.  Cody found that pretty cool as well.  But then the novelty wore off, and he reasoned that his mom was doing a pretty good job of (a) trying to get autographs while (b) making a fool of herself, so he asked if we could just go play catch… which we did.

Then I saw Luis Tiant walking along (one of my two all-time favorite Sox, with Dewey Evans, unfortunately not in attendance) - and had El Tiante sign that ball and pose for a picture with Cody and me.  I offered to go buy Cody another ball to throw around, since we would not be using this new addition to The Man Cave any longer… but Cody decided we should just play some cards.  Fair enough.

It was a bit windy - so we couldn’t just play on one of the picnic tables.  While my father-in-law wheeled Kaeden around in his stroller, and Lori was like a puppy in the pet store trying to get the attention of each passerby who could be a potential owner, Cody and I sat down next to this small, indescript concrete building in the middle of things - where there was no wind.  I figured it was a storage shed or something.

Some time later, a Sox coach came over from one of the fields and went in… no big deal.  A minute or two later, Varitek comes trotting over and tries to get in.  I look up and explain that someone’s in there (and come to now realize it’s a bathroom).  Tek bends over and puts his hands on his knees to rest a moment.  As he’s less than two feet from us on my right, I turn to my left and tell Cody, “Look, Code… it’s your favorite baseball player… Jason Varitek.”  Tek looks up, small wave and a smile.  Cody is gawking, motionless.  I extend my hand to Tek, “Good to have you back.”  He nods and gives me the handshake (and I hasten to point out, this was *before* he used the facilities).  At that point, my father-in-law comes strolling over behind and then aside Tek.  Now, he clearly saw someone in uniform there… but just as clearly had no idea who it was… cuz he says to me, “Hey, Mike.. I heard that Jason Varitek is on that field over there.”  Tek then straightens up, and turns his head slightly, smirking, “Oh, really?”  The coach then comes out, Tek goes in - and by that time a crowd began to gather around us.  When he came out, he declined to sign cuz… as he explained, “I’m working right now.”  And he jogged back, through the fence, and up into the field where he’d been.

At this point, half-serious, half-joking, Cody excitedly says to me, “Which hand did he shake?!”  I show him my right hand and he smirks, “Can I touch *your* hand?!”  And then he goes into the whole fainting routine - before coming back up, “Seriously, though… I can’t believe Jason Varitek was *right* next to us!!!”

I got up and found Lori, and found out that she was on the fence where he came through.  Apparently she was right in front of him, frozen - until he said, “Excuse me, I have to get through”.  And even then, it took her a minute or two to move.  Calm, cool, and collected… that’s my wife [sic].

I later explained to her that I’d unwittingly employed a Rich Semiraro technique, originally applied to meeting chicks - but applied in this case to meeting ballplayers:  birddogging.  The basic premise is that everyone has to use the lavatory at one time or another, so Rich would stand just outside the women’s facilities and try to pick up chicks in what was indeed a target-rich environment… away from the dance floor where every other guy was battling for exposure.  Likewise, while Lori was battling the masses by the fence, Cody and I simply set up shop by the lavatory… and *he* came to *us*.

Bottom line:  A little (subconscious) planning can go a long way.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 23rd, 2009 at 9:54 am and is filed under Sports, Baseball. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.